how i love you, yet how sick i am of being here instead of at home in ames. ames is home now...because as everyone with 2/3 of a brain knows, home is where your shit is.

it gets dark so early.

reminds me of last winter where we'd go to hairy mary's all the time for shows...before and after they remodeled, before dorreen, before mikey t. went crazy, before i was with ryan, before i graduated, before jayson dropped out of college, before i failed everything but anthro, before shit started to go wrong.

all i want is to make things right again.

all i want is for things to be like they were. me drag racing craig back to his house after a show. ryan and jayson ganking shit from everywhere. going to the guys' gigs in little shitholes in adel and ankeny and around.

i am still the goddess of craig's basement.

band practice wouldn't be the same without me. they say that i count as a half member of the ELG crew. i've been around longer than rob, for christ's sake. I am THE girl with the band. i carry shit. i give hugs. i tell them when they sound like shit. i drive people around. i give them someone to talk to. i love one of them.

that's what i am.

i wonder what i started writing about?

::scrolls up::

oh, yes, yes, des moines.

i lived in west des moines for 14 years. until i was a junior in high school, i wanted to get the hell out. then i went insane (though that's another story) and got better, and started finding shit to do to keep me busy.

better shit than i was doing.

and better people to be with.

i discovered punk rock, local music, and straightedge kids. gutter punks, hardcore kids, and emo kids. gay, bi, straight. black, white, and others. it doesn't matter.

i discovered community.

i discovered people who will still call me up when i'm 40 wanting to go scream at people out of car windows.

this is the true meaning of friendship.

people who will still love you when you're old and not cute anymore. when you've grown out of that "phase" that you're in. whatever that may be.