i hate you. i hate the way you grin at me. i hate the way you're so goddamn perfect that when i see you i feel happier. that when i'm around you i feel at ease. i hate the way you make me laugh so easily. the way we talk about anything and everything that comes to mind except what matters most.

i hate the way i feel. i hate this vulnerability, this overwhelming sense of despair when i think about the things that i've lost and the things i cannot have. when i think about the wrongs i've done that i'll never be able to right. i hate the way i feel in the bottom of my stomach when i think of the way your eyes meet mine with a smile deep inside them.

i'm going to get really fucking drunk tonight and hope that i kill enough brain cells to forget your face. to forget all about you and how i can't deal with this. to forget what i've lost.

forget it all by the time i wake up, bleary-eyed and hung over.