i hate insomnia.

is it bad that i miss [d.] more than i miss my boyfriend? supposedly i love ry. i tell myself that i do. i love him when he is next to me, holding me, loving me back. [d.] is something different.

usually i can do this. i can avoid attachment. i can just sleep with someone, get out my sexual urges (usually while trashed) and not have to get attached. not this time. do not pass go, do not collect $200, and you can fucking well forget about getting out of jail free...

is it so wrong to want to be wanted?