for A.J.M.

tonight.

all i want
is your warm body
to cuddle up to
and pet my hair

and tell me everything is
all right.

to feel loved.

all i want

the brush of your
warm hand on my side
holding me close

touching me gently
letting me know i'm safe.

i remember
times spent leaning on your
shoulder on the sofa
petting your hair with one hand.

you
always so soft
so warm
so beautifully adorable

just being close to you was
enough.

but you never
felt it.

you never cared.
you never loved me.

i could win your body
but not your heart.
i wish i understood you.

i thought for a second
that i did.

that i could see into
your soul when you brushed
my hair out
of my face
in your darkened room and looked
into my
eyes.

thought i saw
you for who you really were.

i guess i was
wrong.

i will
not slit my
wrists.

i will
not slit my
wrists.