i didn't know how much until i lost you. i didn't know that you were a part of my life that i couldn't afford to lose. i love you with every fiber of my being, and i fucked up and now you don't love me. i've lost you forever. and i don't think i can live with that.

i'd give everything i have. i'd give it all for one more minute in your arms. to see that look in your eyes again. to know that you still love me. to tell you that i love you.

to have my life back.

i'm crying.

again.

for everything that i've lost. for what a bitch i've been. for all the people i loved who hate me now.

i'd marry you right now if you'd have me. i'd do anything to prove it to you. to prove how much i love you. to prove how much i'm dying inside without you, though i'm trying not to show it. to prove to you that i'm not the way i was. and i know it's only been about a week.

but i'm different.

i feel different.

i know what means something to me now.

and it's not because i built you up in my head. it's not because i'm pretending anymore. i can't be without you. i can't let this be my world. i won't let this be my world. i'd do anything to fix things. to change things. i don't know how.