i've done it before, i can do it again. people like me, i am an interesting and worthwhile person, and i can get through it.

i'll just keep telling myself that.

i refuse to lock, censor, or otherwise dumb this diary down. i will continue to speak my mind in it, regardless of who reads it. the people who know me deserve to know the truth about what i think of them if they're motivated enough to find this.

8:02 am and i'm already nic-ing out. i can't deal with this today. cigarettes are my crutch. we've all got crutches. mine are music and cigarettes.

so apparently casey's friend mark has found my diary. hi mark. /me waves. (god, i have spent faaaaaaar too much time on the strangetalk IRC channel this year) i've only met mark when i was drunk. very very very drunk. we're talking the day i downed the sixpack of smirnoff ice and then started drinking out of the vodka bottle.

very trashed.

neal promised me that he'd come up today... REMEMBER NEAL, YOU PROMISED...

this is the first day in a long time that i can remember that i voluntarily got up in the morning. it's amazing what fatigue and drinking can do to you.