right now i'm broken. and i wonder if i just want ryan back because i'm afraid of moving on. because i want to cling to that part of my life.

i need to get out more. to meet new people. to meet someone who won't break my heart, and that i won't break the heart of in return. i just don't know where to look. i don't know how to be single. i don't know how to find the person that will make me truly happy for the rest of my life. i thought i had. and i lost it, and i can't get that back, and i know that. i don't believe there's only one person in the whole world who could make me happy. there's too many people in the world for that to work. so i just have to find the person that makes this variation of kate happy. that will love me for who i am, take my past faults and ignore them.

i just want to love, and be loved in return. i wasn't aware that this was a huge problem.

my, my, what a mess we've made of our pretty little heads these days.

my problem is that the guys i've been attracted to lately turn out to be heartless bastards. ::coughandycough:: and each time i lose at this game, i get that much more jaded. my heart hardens that much more. and i don't want to play that game anymore. i'm through fucking around.